Navigating a Workplace Crush
#Crush #WorkplaceCrush #WorkplaceRelationships, #OfficeDynamics, #CoworkingEtiquette, #Professionalboundaries, #OfficeInteractions
You spend enough time with someone you find attractive, you start to develop feelings for them which can turn into a crush. According to Forbes , Sixty percent of adults have had a workplace romance. And 43% have led to marriage. It’s a common way to meet someone, to get to know someone. You become comfortable around each other, so you develop these feelings.
A crush can be harmless, or could lead to so much more, if the other person reciprocates the same feelings. As long as no boundaries are crossed, it is usually fine. If you’re certain that a workplace crush could develop into something more, it might be worth pursuing, just be aware the issues you might face, both personally and professionally.
The Impacts Of Taking Workplace Crush Further
There are both positive and negative effects of developing your crush into more. A positive, like mentioned, could lead to a lasting relationship with someone you genuinely love and who genuinely cares about you. On the other hand, if the relationship goes sour, it could lead to complications.
The first obvious positive is that, if permitted, you get to work with someone who you obviously care for, who you can ask for advice about projects or just general career advice. You’ll have a close ally that you know you can trust. And you get to see them on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, if the relationship does not work out, that could lead an uncomfortable situation between yourself and your potential partner. This will create incredible tension, even among the other employees. It could change office dynamics. They might feel like they’ll have to choose sides-- or worse, they might actually choose sides. Also, even if the break up goes badly, you’ll have to see them daily, which would be bad for your morale as well as the morale of the other employees.
A crush can also lead to neglecting your responsibilities at work, including overstepping boundaries. Also, consider the power imbalance, whether you have the higher position, or you have a crush on a superior. If this is the case, then this will make one of you vulnerable – there are stories of some being
vindictive enough to fire someone when a relationship goes bad. This also opens up the company and yourself, if you are in the superior position to legal troubles. This is why, in some cases, a workplace romance is not permitted. Of course, according to Forbes article referenced earlier, Thirty-five percent of people don’t report their workplace relationships.
Navigating and Recognizing those Feelings
According to the same Forbes article, Sixty-five percent of respondents to their survey indicated that comfort-ability was a driving factor behind their workplace romances. The second leading factor was lack of time outside of work to meet people. Convenience should not be the major factor in any relationship and so you have to recognize whether you are actually attracted to the person you’re “crushing” on or if its just for the sake of convenience. Take some time to spend with your crush outside of work and see if you are just as compatible outside the office– just because your coworker is great in an office environment and they have great co working etiquette, does that mean they’re great in a more social atmosphere?
It could also be as simple as being into the adrenaline rush, those “butterflies in your stomach” feelings that happens when you see the person. Those feelings are perfectly natural, and it’s okay to have them, but you have to ask yourself if you can see yourself in an actual relationship with the person you have a crush on or if its just that-- a small crush. Giving yourself time to reassess the potential in a relationship is always a good idea. There’s a huge difference between actual love and just general attraction, one you have to recognize on your own. Taking the time to figure out what you’re feeling is healthy and should not be avoided.
Maintaining professionalism
If the infatuation is a strong one, it could lead to poor work performance, which others will notice. You might have to remind yourself that you’re at work to do just that – work. Wanting to chat with your crush as often as possible, and wanting to be around them does not justify damaging your career, as well as the career of your crush. Said crush might just want to do their work, and so its not fair to them if you become a distraction. Keep in mind your priorities and responsibilities. Professional boundaries, as well as personal are extremely important.Regarding workplace guidelines – again, usually, a workplace relationship is frowned upon, but sometimes employers recognize that it does happen and so they have a set of guidelines regarding any
workplace romances. Doing so will protect your career, as well as the career of your potential partner. Talk to your HR rep regarding any workplace relationship guidelines they may have if you decide to take the relationship to the next level.
Communication
If you’re not very close to your crush, and you’ve been pining away from afar, then it may be time to introduce yourself. There are many ways of going about this-- an introduction from another coworker, is a great opportunity. In this way, your coworker is somewhat “vouching” for you – there is at least one thing you will have in common- knowing said coworker. Things could lead from there. Or you could just go up to your crush and introduce yourself; a smile and a simple “hello” works wonders. Breaking the ice will introduce more office interactions. If anything, this will at least open up networking possibilities as well.
This will also be the only way to assess mutual interest-- you can’t know if they’re interested if you never have the conversation, and so, general communication is important. If there’s some interest, start slow – rushing into new relationships is never a good idea. Start by asking them out, maybe in a group setting first. Set up drinks with a group of coworkers at the nearby pub and then talk to them one to one
when the opportunity arises. Get to know the person.
Don’t forget about your standards. Just because they’re your colleague, it doesn’t mean you can’t uphold your own preferences when choosing someone you want to have a relationship with. Make the same considerations you would to anyone you would be interested in dating.
Once you do, take action – ask them out on a more intimate level. Just keep in mind, there’s the chance of the crush in question might not be interested, both on a personality or attraction basis.
Dealing with Rejection
Just because you’re attracted to someone you have developed a crush on, doesn’t mean they will feel the same. And that’s okay- we each have a type we’re attracted to. This is human. The responsible thing to do is move on and go on like business as usual, because it should be. Again, it’s important to remind
one’s self of professional boundaries. It is the responsibility of both yourself and your crush to not take it personally, especially if, like mentioned, there’s a power imbalance involved. If you’re the superior in the relationship, it is best to just move on and treat the employee with the same amount of respect as
the others on your team. After all, you would want the same if the roles were reversed. Taking rejection out on a person leads to more trouble than its worth. This also includes favoritism – if you think
offering someone a promotion or a raise, if you have the ability to do so, will make your crush suddenly attracted to you, think again! This will instead lead to exploitation, whether from their end or from yours, which again, will become more trouble than its worth. Maintaining professional boundaries is extremely important. Just because there was rejection involved doesn’t mean you can’t be a good coworker to one another, or even develop a friendship.
There’s a lot of complication that can come with a workplace crush. A crush could turn into a meaningful relationship or it could just be a fleeting infatuation. Being a responsible adult about it is the best way to go. Taking into account both your feelings and the feelings of your crush will go a long way. And remember, it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there in the first place.
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